Richard Sherman - Social Media Black-lash, Trash Talking, and a Shout Out to His Haters!

This whole situation with social medias, racially charged BLACK-lash toward Richard Sherman after his post-game interview, following the Seattle Seahawks win over San Francisco last Sunday, was and still is completely out of control!  

I don’t know Richard Sherman personally and I'm not a fan of the Seahawks, although I did enjoy watching them spank the 49ers last week! :-) But really, this man needs no “defense”.  His defense on and off the field, speaks for itself!  Just ask Michael "I'm mad" Crabtree.  

Richard Sherman makes a season-saving play — in front of Michael Crabtree Sunday night.
http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/football/lupica-don-sherman-act-deal-article-1.1585376#ixzz2rH5ZYa8C

To add insult to injury to this entire situation, I don't hear anybody talking about much the childish, poor sportsmanship displayed physically by Crabtree, toward Sherman after the game.  If Sherman was the "thug" that people tried to say he is, he would have knocked Crabtree's head clean off his shoulders and dropped it off on his momma front stoop, for such an infraction!

"The only reason it bothers me is that it seems like it’s the accepted way of calling people the n-word nowadays.  What’s the definition of a thug,really? Can a guy on the football field, just talking to people — maybe I’m talking loudly, or doing something I’m not supposed to be. But there was a hockey game where they didn’t even play hockey, they just threw the puck aside and started fighting. I saw that and I thought, 'Oh man, I’m a thug?' So I’m really disappointed in being called a thug." Richard Sherman

http://www.businessinsider.com/richard-sherman-thug-2014-1#ixzz2rH7nucFw

Sherman says 'good game,' Crabtree gives him the Heisman treatment. (USATSI)

http://www.cbssports.com/nfl/eye-on-football/24418110/richard-sherman-micd-up-tells-michael-crabtree-hell-of-game

Anyway, before I give my 25 cents worth, first I have a question.  Did Roger Goodell ban"trash talking" from the NFL and I missed the memo?  Trash talking has been around since long before Richard Sherman ever suited up and hit the field.  Sports fans probably do the most trash talking of all.  So what da problem is?  Oh, I guess these people who called themselves "going in" on Sherman have never done that...been excited, spoken from the heart, expressed themselves openly and honestly and intensely!?!?  Or I suppose when they did it, they were polite, humble and low key! Yeah right, whatever!

Sherman had just helped his team (in a major way) to win the NFC Championship.  Something he has probably worked for and dreamed about since childhood.  So what he got caught up in the heat of the moment?  So what he talked trash and proclaimed himself as the best cornerback in the league!  Isn’t he allowed to feel that way about himself?  Or is he allowed to feel that way, just as long as he doesn’t piss off his opponents or offend the delicate sensitivities of a female FOX sports caster? (Please...Don't even get me started on the FOX Network!)  

I don’t know how you can be a top performing athlete or anything else in life and not believe when you step out on your field of play, that you are the best out there, whether you say it out loud or not.  If you look at athletes like Muhammad Ali, Deion Sanders, Floyd Mayweather Jr., WWF wrestlers, etc., they always talked "trash" (in Floyd's case...is still talking) but they could back it up. Some use it as a mental tactic to pump themselves up and get motivated.  I've heard that "if you don't believe it, no one else will".  That's real talk!

http://www.totalprosports.com/2014/01/19/seahawks-richard-sherman-post-game-interview-with-erin-andrews-video/

Call Richard Sherman “arrogant” or “cocky” or whatever you want, but if he can back it up, isn't that called "pride" or "confidence"?  Are his personal feelings about his own abilities exaggerated or accurate?  I guess that’s a matter of public opinion also, how people should or shouldn’t view themselves.  While I personally don't care for a bunch of lip service and would rather see results, who am I to judge when it's okay for someone to talk about how great they think they are?  Who is anyone to make that call on someone else? Why do we have to label it as anything and really, who freakin' cares???

If you ask me, Richard Sherman was being his truest, most authentic self at that moment!  Nothing more and nothing less.  

Or is the bigger issue not so much what he said but that he’s a Black man who said it? Go ahead, take your time and think about it.  I’ll wait…..*crickets chirping in the background*

http://sports.yahoo.com/photos/top-12-richard-sherman-faces-slideshow/

It seems to me that no matter what, the written or unwritten standards of “appropriate” and “acceptable” behavior are, those rules are always different for people of color.  We are held to a higher standard and even when we rise to the challenge, it’s still not quite good enough.  There’s still and maybe always will be a great portion of the population who fear a strong, opinionated, outspoken Black man (woman).  You know what I’m talking about….a real “fancy pants” or “uppity” nigger who doesn’t know his/her “place”.  Oh yeah I said it! Hell, I've been called "it" in not so many words.

Suffice to say, I expected the racial under and OVER tones in the comments that would be made about him, so I wasn’t shocked by it….just really irritated and saddened.  Post racial America my ass!  This wasn't just backlash this was Blacklash!!!

What pained me more, were some of the comments being made by other people of color.  Things like “We’ve just been sent back 500 years”.  Sadly, this speaks to the fact that some of us still hate ourselves for the color of our own skin.  We still see ourselves as separate from God and therefore we see everyone else that way.  And after all this time, some of us actually still believe the bullshit that has been engrained in us, generation after generation, about who were are (less than or of no value) and how we should behave, speak, and aspire to be or be like in this society.  A society still predominantly run by some of the most corrupt, immoral, self-serving people ever!  Some who would sell their own mother’s to stay in control and make a profit off the backs of others.  And before anybody gets their panties in a bunch, I am speaking in generalities here, so if the shoe doesn’t fit, you can relax.  If you’re uncomfortable in your own skin and would rather not hear the truth, feel free to close this post and stick your head back in the sand.  I’m not here to babysit anybody’s feelings or insecurities.

I’m talking about the “haves” and the “have not’s”.  Those who hold the power (money), control and who have sold us ALL the illusion of “freedom”.  Versus those of us who fail to decipher the code and continue to “buy in” to their propaganda and lies .  But that’s a subject for a different day.

To get back to the matter at hand.  People couldn’t wait to hit social media with their usual messiness within seconds of the Sherman interview.  He was called crazy, uneducated, a thug, a disgrace, a “stereotypical unprofessional nigger”,  “an overpaid, classless embarrassment to professional sports”...amongst other things. Really people?! 

Check your facts:  Richard Sherman grew up in Compton, CA, an inner suburb of Los Angeles and notorious for gang violence and crime, especially around the time when Sherman was becoming a young man.  You should educate yourself about that too, as the media has exaggerated a lot of the Compton hype like they do everything else.  In spite of the odds stacked against him, Sherman finished high school with a 4.2 GPA (2nd in his class) and then went on to EARN a Communications degree from Stanford (the 15th highest rated university in the country).  So make no mistake about it, Richard Sherman is FAR from being a "thug".  He's a success story! He started from the bottom, now he's here...and he's not done yet!!!  And he’s probably smarter than 99% of the people who had something negative and/or ignorant to say about him!

"I know some thugs and they know I’m the furthest thing from a thug. I’ve fought that my whole life, just coming from where I come from. Just because you hear Compton, you heard Watts, cities like that you think, ‘Thug. He’s a gangster. He’s this, that, and the other.’ And then you hear Stanford and that doesn’t make sense, it’s an oxymoron. To fight it for so long, and have to hear it come up again, it’s frustrating." Richard Sherman

http://www.businessinsider.com/richard-sherman-thug-2014-1#ixzz2rH8BmBDk

Sherman recently told Sports Illustrated:

"Things I do probably look like madness, like I'm totally out of control, but there's always a plan. It's part of a greater scheme to get some eyes, to grow the market, to grow Seattle."

http://www.businessinsider.com/richard-sherman-things-you-never-knew-2014-1?op=1#ixzz2rHBFmZHB

http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/envelope/cotown/la-et-ct-horsey-on-hollywood-richard-sherman-20140121,0,7685217.story#axzz2rHCemYYK

Richard Sherman has a foundation for kids who need help getting through school and he ACTIVELY participates in his foundation.  It's not just some fly by night, 501 organization set up to hide money and evade taxes.  If people ever took the time to listen to this man speak or bothered to read any of his printer interviews, it’s clear how passionate he is and how much he wants to make a difference for these young people. He wants to give them a fighting chance to achieve their goals and crush the stereotypes about athletes not being educated, not caring about school and only aspiring to be ball players, gang bangers and drug dealers. 

He doesn’t have an arrest record on the books and has never used profanity in a post-game interview.  The man hasn’t even be accused being a dirty player on or off the field.  And yet the people who know nothing about this man except the raw emotion he showed one night, in a loud stadium, with thousands of fans, photographers and news media buzzing around, after winning the biggest game of his life so far, have so much to say!  The same people, who probably curse, yell, stomp and scream at their TV screens week after week, while our favorite (or not so favorite) athletes do what they do to feed their families and entertain us.  All while at the risk of permanently injuring themselves or ending up with brain damage!  Com’on man.  Enough is enough already.

Stop the madness!  Stay in your lane, worry about what you do or don’t do and let everybody else breathe!  Athletes and all other celebrities don't owe you anything.  They only owe themselves.  At the end of day they are human just like everybody else.  Don't be so quick to judge a book by it's cover before reading every page!  Then go back and read it again!

We all have our own way of responding to situations and stimuli.  There’s nothing wrong with being or doing things differently.  Whether it's the way we look, dress, speak, dance, whatever!  The media and many other folks are so quick to paint a picture of who they think someone is, without ever taking the time to look beyond that one action…that one moment a person does something THEY feel is so terrible!!!  Whether they realize it or not, the fact that they felt the need to criticize him for his actions says more about THEM and their insecurities than it could ever say about him and his lack of anything.  If you’re a sports fan or athlete and you’ve never talked trash or had an outburst of emotion...I can’t even talk to you!  Because clearly you don’t even exist. That or you’re an alien with unbelievable super powers and mental abilities.

So, since Richard Sherman’s PR team and coach have probably asked him to stifle himself, I've decided to be his "Luther" and say it for him.  "To all the news media profit hounds trying to get story in by your deadline.  To anyone who has bashed, bullied or otherwise felt the need to try to humiliate someone for your own self-gratification or because you just naturally suck as a human being.  And finally, to all the Richard Sherman haters around the world.   F@ck you and your ignorant, irrelevant, over-exaggerated, hyper-critical, super-ridiculous, mean-spirited, judgmental, plain old disrespectful backlash.  Let me be “me” and you go do you.  Cause I’m still the best at doing me and you can only be you!” 

If you don't know who "Luther" is, Google "key and peele luther". LOL

Now back to my regularly scheduled programming (de-programming)…I need to meditate!  I let these folks work my last nerve with all their non-sense!

Peace and blessings,

Stiletto Dagger

The Land of Ex-pectations: Where Romantic Dreams Go to Die!

The older I get, the more I feel compelled to share what little knowledge/wisdom I have, with those around me. Young people in particular.  Not in a preachy or “do as I say” kind of way.  But in a “Here’s what I’ve learned for myself, for my life…take from it what you can and what you will” kind of way. 

“Love should be like breathing.  It should be just a quality in you -- wherever you are, with whomsoever you are, or even if you are alone, love goes on overflowing from you.  It is not a question of being in love with someone -- it is a question of being love.  People are frustrated in their love experiences, not because something is wrong with love... they narrow down love to such a point that the ocean of love cannot remain there. You cannot contain the ocean -- it is not a small stream; love is your whole being -- love is your godliness. ~ Osho”

That quote resonates with me and young people I encourage you to grasp this concept sooner than later.  For most of my teenage and young adult life, I was looking for someone to be in love with.  I grew up in a two parent, two sibling, middle class, suburban, family.  I was loved and adored by family and friends.  LOL!!!  Okay maybe not “adored” but loved to say the least.  My parents, loving, supportive and hard-working, were married in their early twenties and remain married 43 years later.  I never expected NOT to have that kind of life for myself as I grew up.  I also never expected to be married with child at 20 and a divorced, single momma with another child on the way by 25. 

Life was supposed to be like a fairy tale.  Like one of the many Harlequin romance novels I had read or chick flicks I watched on TV.  Wasn’t it??? I was supposed to meet the man of my dreams, be swept off my feet and live happily ever after.  Wasn’t I?

My husband was supposed to adore me for sure and love me unconditionally the way my Daddy does.  He was supposed to be a devoted husband and provider.  Romantic, strong, tall, handsome, rich, educated, funny and fun to be around.  He was artistic, caring, supportive, humanitarian, giving, gentle, charismatic and simply dreamy.  He never lied to me or even looked at another woman.  He never broke my heart or disappointed me.  He got along with all my girlfriends and his friends were a delight to be around.  He always called when he was supposed to, he never came home late and he would rather be with me than with his friends.  He brought me flowers all the time, just because, and he spoiled me rotten on Valentine’s Day, my birthday and of course on Christmas.  He was a magnificent lover and pleasing me was his only ambition when it came to our love making.  He massaged my feet, loved reading every poem I ever wrote and he laughed at all my jokes.  When he walked in the room, I got butterflies and I heard music play.  He was never in a bad mood and he never needed his own space.  He liked what I liked and we did everything together.  We never argued or disagreed on anything.  He was never inconsiderate or selfish.  He never took me for granted and he told me he loved at least 2 times a day.  All day long, all he did was try to come up with new ways to make me happy and he was supposed to anticipate my every need before I even verbalized it.  Right???

Uhhhh….NOOOOT!  I’m exhausted just reading that list.  What was I thinking?

Here’s what I learned…Life was (is) supposed to be just as it was, based on the choices I made and situations I put myself in.  Rather than acknowledge, accept and embrace the consequence of my decisions, I spent years trying to figure out why the Universe was plotting against me, why I was a single mother, why I couldn’t find a husband worthy of me, why God was letting this happen to me, why my dreams had been demolished, blah, blah, blah.  Rather than work on what needed healing in me, I wasted time feeling sorry for myself and blaming everyone else.  Me, me, me!   Bottom line…Rather than loving myself and being the love I so desperately wanted and already had, I ran from relationship to relationship, pinning my crazy expectations of what I THOUGHT love and being “in love” was supposed to be like.  I held on so tightly that I’m sure some of the men in my life felt like they couldn’t breathe or live up to my expectations so they left or I left them once I became frustrated.  I was so wrapped up in my emotions, thoughts and love story movie reels playing in my head that when they did leave I thought I couldn’t breathe without them.   When it didn’t work out, when they cheated or left or drifted away, I was devastated.  But not before I listened to depressing ass love songs for hours on end, dreamimg of what coulda, shoulda, woulda been and tortured myself like no one else could. 

Over time, I expected them all to be the same so I figured why even bother.  I figured something must be wrong with them and I was determined not to feel the pain again.  So I closed myself off from showing any real emotion or allowing myself to get to close to anyone.  It’s called baggage and it’s real.  Yeah I still dated but one infraction and I was cutting their behind off quick.  When things didn’t go quite the way I pictured in my head, I was outta there.  And if I gave someone half a shot and they did live up to my expectations (all the negative ones of course), I was back at square one.  I was disillusioned with love, yet love hadn’t done anything wrong.  I was so attached to the illusion that I couldn’t see the forest for the trees and I was miserable!  I was creating my own misery.

Look, all I’m saying is that it’s easy to go to one extreme or the other when it comes to our expectations.  Sure you should set the standard for how you are willing to be treated (with care, honesty and respect) but you can’t make anyone do anything.  Not with demands or ultimatums, not by having babies or having temper tantrums.  Not by running into the arms of someone else and expecting them to fix everything that’s broken in you.  Not by willing it to be or praying in a closet for hours. 

Wikipedia says that an expectation is a belief that is centered on the future, may or may not be realistic. A less advantageous result gives rise to the emotion of disappointment. If something happens that is not at all expected it is a surprise. An expectation about the behavior or performance of another person, expressed to that person, may have the nature of a strong request, or an order.

There’s nothing wrong with having expectations.  For instance, I expect that if I walk 5 miles a day for the next 30 days, I will lose weight.  I expect that if I drop a cinder block on my bare foot, I will be in pain.  Most of you would probably agree that those are pretty good expectations to have.   Conversely, if I said that I expect that my children will follow all of the house rules and never break one.  Or I expect that I can walk in to the office tomorrow and punch my boss dead in the face, there won’t be any consequences, and you would probably think I’m crazy.

So you see, it’s not the actual expectation (although it can be) that’s the problem.  We all have expectations on some level, of ourselves and others, and expectations are fine as long as they are reasonable and kept in perspective.  That’s not settling.  That’s simply the reality of life.  People will hurt you and disappoint you. Life happens.  But it’s how you perceive life happening that makes all the difference. I truly believe that it is our ATTACHMENT to those EXPECTATIONS that gets us in trouble and causes feelings of disappointment.  That can be dangerous…especially when it comes to our relationships with others, no matter the type of relationship.

You can’t expect someone to love you back or be your everything.  You can’t expect someone else to fill that empty place that resides in you.  And you can’t even teach someone how to love you best if you don’t love yourself.  That goes for your boyfriend/girlfriend, son/daughter, mother/father, sister/brother and even your friends.  YOU are responsible for your own happiness.

Love is a beautiful thing.  It’s what we are here to do and be to one another.   Be love and let it flow from and to you.  Regardless of the type of relationship you are having with others, or yourself.  It’s not a bargaining chip to be used for your own self-gratification.  I think we all need to think less about what we expect to get from love and think more about what we can bring to love. 

Expect that like a river, there will be ebbs and flows.  In a romantic relationship, it’s okay to allow yourself to get caught up in the momentary “high” when you feel yourself falling madly “in love” and enjoy it.  It’s an amazing feeling.  Almost indescribable, though we have all tried to put it in to words.  But stay in the moment. Don’t over think it.  Most of that is based on brain chemistry anyway.  Be centered enough that when that feeling no longer exist at its original strength (b/c it will happen) you can still see and be love.  If the relationship doesn’t work out for whatever reason, you know you can still “breathe” because YOU ARE LOVE. You never stopped being love. 

Stop expecting that every relationship is the only relationship you will ever have, that it will end in marriage or some long-term commitment, or that you’re life depends on it.  It’s probably not, it may or may not and your existence doesn’t depend on it.  Not every romantic relationship will work the way you expect it to and NO relationship you have or relationship you see is perfect.  That only happened in fairly tales and Baby, life is much more complex than that.  That’s not me being negative, that’s just life and it’s the truth.  Not everyone is going to love you the way you love them.  But be love anyway.  The one you find yourself in love with may be the love of your lifetime or maybe they won’t.  No one can predict the future, especially in the beginning of a relationship during the “honeymoon” phase when in your head, all is right with the world.  So stop trying to be a fortune teller.  If it works the way you want it to, that’s great.  But even if the relationship doesn’t live up to your expectation, that doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with you or that you are not worthy.  It doesn’t mean you are a failure.  It doesn’t mean that the other person is a bad person or that there’s something wrong with love.   But there may be something wrong with your expectation of what love is.  Maybe what you thought was love was something else.  Maybe the way you or the other person has learned how to love isn’t compatible with your type of love.   Just give love, yourself and the other person the time needed to grow and enjoy the moment.  Don’t be a rush to get to the finish line or you may miss all the beautiful moments in between.  Just as some seeds planted grow abundantly into beautiful trees, flowers or fruit, some don’t make it.  Some make it through the season, never to return.  Some come back year after year.  It’s okay.  Lessons learned.  Next time give it more Sun or less, more water or less, and try again.

Last thoughts…Kisses are not contracts and sex is not equal to love. Sex is one form of expressing your love for another being.  It’s a shared connection between two people or more. It’s a transference of energy so be careful when and with home you share your energy.  But don’t use it as a weapon or negotiation tool.  That’s not love.  If you can’t give it freely, like any other expression of love, without expecting something in return, keep it to yourself.  And don’t demand it or expect it of another.  If someone isn’t willing to share that part of themselves in that moment, maybe they’re not ready, maybe there’s another need that needs to be met first.  Be love and let their love flow to you in their time, not your own.

I’m no expert on this and I certainly don’t have all the answers, but I have come to the realization that in order to experience love on a super natural level, I had to let go of the illusion of what I thought love was supposed to look, smell, feel, or sound like and simply BE love…without limitation…without EXPECTATION. 

PSA-->> Stiletto Dagger Style - "Mind your business that’s all…Just mind your business!"

Situation:

Yesterday I chose to join in some sociable FB banter with a friend. Admittedly, the conversation was of a sexual context but it was far from lewd or graphic or vulgar. I knew a couple comments in, that someone might feel some kind of way about the conversation but I wasn’t expecting this! Shortly after my last post, someone (who shall remain nameless...only because they inboxed me using a fictitious FB name and then deleted the account) decided I needed to be chastised and reminded of who I am (who THEY thought I was). Wow really?! Who does that?! This person obviously doesn’t know me at all. I didn’t respond right away because I needed time to digest the reprimand. I’m wise enough to know that how people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.  This person should consider themselves lucky that I am in a really good place spiritually right now cause otherwise, what you're about to read could go in a whole different direction.

My Response:

1. I AM not a role model!!! Piece of advice: Raise your own kids in line with your own values/morals. Don’t leave it up what they will hear from other kids, teachers, social media, me, etc. If you don’t want your children to be subjected to what you consider to be “inappropriate” dialogue/banter, it’s YOUR job to keep them off of FB and every other social networking site or media outlet in the world! Good luck with that.  
2. While you are working that out…DON’T try to censure my or anyone else comments. Instead, try using what they may see or hear as discussion points and talk to your kids openly and honestly.
3. Opinions are like…you know what! Everybody has one! I can’t force and don’t try to compel anyone to believe or act the way I do. What I say/do ain’t for everybody! This is an art and not everybody was meant to be a master of this craft. But I’M not everybody. I’M ME! Love me or hate me! But don’t judge me. You don’t know where I’ve been, what I’ve done or how I got here! Don’t try to change me to fit your own idea of what or who you think I should be!  
4. It is not my problem if you aren’t comfortable with your own sexuality (yeah I said it!)! That’s your issue, not mine, so don’t project your insecurities on me. The opinion you have of me is your problem, not mine.  I feel good about who I am as a woman, mother, daughter, sister, friend and even as a lover?  There’s no shame in my game. So how I feel about myself and how I choose to express that physically, verbally, professionally, creatively, sexually, sensually (which is NOT necessarily the same as sex just fyi) or otherwise is my business, as long as I do no harm to myself or others. If you chose to live by societies traditional belief system/code of conduct about what is acceptable “lady like behavior”, so be it. But again “I’M ME”…you can’t do me so just do you! If I make you feel uncomfortable try asking yourself…”What is it about this person that makes me feel how I feel?” More importantly ask, “What is it about me that makes me feel the need to find fault in or pass judgment on another?” Don’t be so quick to judge what you don’t understand. That comes from a place of fear! Face it! Look within yourself! 

SIDE BAR: In my opinion, one of the main reasons women, especially black women (and some men) have so many issues/hang ups about their own sexuality is because their parents have tried to repress what is natural by telling their children that saying certain words/behaviors are inappropriate. Those types of parents resort to harsh reprimands, spanking and sometimes eventually disowning their own flesh and blood, when their children go against their "high" moral code. While I agree that guidance and sometimes discipline is necessary in raising our children because certain words/behavior/self expression may be “inappropriate” in certain situations, I also think it’s important that kids are allowed to express their authentic self without judgment…especially from their parents.

 

“As children, we are taught that certain things are taboo like touching themselves "there" and thinking nasty thoughts. Some parents even still tell their children that if they masturbate, they will go blind. So after years of being brainwashed into thinking that certain things are a no-no and a sin, why shouldn't people have sexual hang-ups? After all, most people respect and listen to their parents point-of-views before anyone else's. That is why it is so important that parents do talk about sex, drugs and all other vital issues with their kids instead of letting someone else do it. However, I feel they should do it the correct way and be honest about it. The sexual urges are going to come about, whether they like it or not, so they should tell their kids the truth and that's that.” Zane

Now back to the subject at hand. I didn’t use any “inappropriate” language in my FB comments. Out of RESPECT for the impressionable eyes of others who could possibly read the posts and those who are easily offended, I considered the audience and chose my words as carefully as I could. It was more jokes and innuendo than anything. But bay-bay I'm not gonna stop being me for you or anybody else.

FB is an open, public forum! Period!! I was simply addressing a question that our mutual friend posted. I exercised decorum and tact, so get over yourself! We all make judgment calls every day, but we should be careful not to pass judgment on others!

I too have seen what I consider to be less than appropriate language/banter/photos on the FB pages of many….including my own sons, my God children, younger cousins and some adults I know. With my own children, it’s MY JOB to have the 2-way conversation, tell them how it made me feel, ask them what they were feeling at the time and then together we decided on the next course of action or ways to more positively express their feelings the next time. I don’t ever want their “original self to be muffled, overwhelmed or strangled by the voices of other people’s expectations”…not even by mine. It’s my job to give them guidance, teach them tolerance and acceptance, to answer their questions with love, understanding, honesty and then to give them the best advice I can and let them be who they are, whether I agree with it or not. I’m not going to allow them to do anything (within my control) that I feel is complete nonsense or anything that may do irreparable harm to their future endeavors, but I can get my point across just the same. Not by trying to force them to change who they inherently are!  Not by judging them or pushing my dreams, hopes and wants for them!  Not by shutting down their FB pages, banning them from the Internet or reprimanding them! With others, I chose to let their parents deal with it (or close their eyes to it if they feel so inclined) and I let adults express themselves as they see fit.

  

It’s MY BELIEF that everyone has the right to self-expression as long as they aren’t breaking any laws or more so hurting anyone else in the process. Even hate mongers. I may not like it or agree with it. But it’s important that everyone be allowed a safe place to express themselves. Most people don’t reveal their true selves all the time (including me at times), they wear a mask that they feel is most acceptable to the outside world. Understandable but sad. You have the right to agree or disagree with anyone. You have the right to participate in a dialogue with them or simply ignore them. But please stop with the judgmental, hypocritical, self-righteous bull**** or at least don’t direct your tirade in my direction. If you want to have an adult conversation, then let’s have it. Don’t be a freakin’ coward! Don’t hide behind your religious dogma and inbox me under a fabricated name and give me your take on how YOU think I should behave! Pa-leezze! Who do you think you are? I respect your opinion but that doesn’t mean I have to agree or abide by your standards of “appropriate conduct”. Especially in a public forum! 

At the end of the day…no matter what you think of me...I’m still gonna be STILETTO DAGGER! An amazing, intelligent, zany, loving, spiritual, creative, moody, sensual, talented, rebellious, eccentric, sexy, multi-faceted, sometimes aloof but still a magnificent child of God.  I AM A GROWN AZZ WOMAN making GROWN AZZ decisions EVERYDAY! But one thing I’m not…is one of your kids!!!! So play your position cause it’s a huge mistake trying to play mine!

Food for Thought:

  

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.” – Paulo Coelho

“Judgments prevent us from seeing the good that lies beyond appearances.” – Wayne Dyer

“You can't depend on your judgment when your imagination is out of focus” – Mark Twain

"BACK OFF! I'm Running Low on Estrogen & I Have a Gun!"

A Man’s Guide to Loving and Living with a Menopausal Woman

This may be TMI (Too Much Information) but as a woman who has just begun her pre-menopausal journey, I felt the need mark this rite of passage with a few helpful (and humorous) hints for men who may be living with and/or loving, if not hating, a woman who is currently on or about to embark upon the same voyage.

Are you a pre-menopausal/menopausal woman struggling with mood swings, hot flashes, insomnia, frequent urination, irregular menstrual cycles, decreased libido, depression, forgetfulness, flatulence/indigestion, gastrointestinal distress, episodes of loss of balance, hair loss/thinning, vaginal dryness? Do you feel old, dispensable, doomed, angry, irritable, weak, uncomfortable in your own skin (literally), fatigued, anxious, disoriented? Do you have night sweats, cold sweats, incontinence, itchy, crawly dry skin, heart palpitations? Are you experiencing breast pain/tenderness, painful/uncomfortable sexual relations, bloating, weight gain, increased unwanted facial hair (wolf-man syndrome), trouble concentrating, feelings of doom, memory lapses, aching/sore joints, muscles or tendons and/or any midlife existential anguish? If so, and if you think this might help your loved one, feel free to print it off, tape/staple it to their forehead, or simply send them the link to my blog.

So what am I doing wrong?

 Everything! If your wife or partner is entering menopause and you are clueless about how to help her, you are not alone. You probably feel like you’re wrong, no matter what you do (most likely talking wayyy too much and saying all the wrong things when you do open your mouth). The truth is, most husbands/partners want to be supportive, but they aren’t sure where to start. Well, that’s why I’m here. Let’s start with this.

25 Things men should NOT say to a pre-menopausal/ menopausal woman. At least not if they expect to live through the night!

 Don’t say...or she might say...

 1. Him: It’s not hot in here. You must be having another one of those hot flashes!” 
     Her: IT IS HOT IN HERE and I AM HAVING A DAMN HOT FLASH! Now turn UP the A/C and SHUT UP ALREADY!

 2. Him: Are you going to the bathroom AGAIN? 
     Her: YES I”M GOING AGAIN! Who are you the freakin’ Bladder Police???

3. Him: Why are you being so sensitive?
    Her: Why are you so STUPID?

 4. Him: You are being irrational! Just relax!
     Her: I am being perfectly rational and I will relax when I damn feel like it or whenever you leave...whichever comes first!

 5. Him: Why don’t you just go to the doctors and get a refill on your Prozac prescription?
     Her: Why don’t you go to hell?
     Him: You first!
     Her: I vacation there!!!

 6. Him: Maybe you should tie a ribbon around your finger so you can remember something for a change.
     Her: I will! Then maybe I won’t forget to tie a rope around your throat and strangle you in your sleep tonight!

 7. Him: You are so moody!
     Her: Yo momma!

 8. Him: Did you pee in the bed or did you have a night sweat?
     Her: Did you get dropped on your head as a baby or were you born with that lumpy head?

 9. Him: You’re crazy!
     Her: I’ll show you crazy!

10. Her: I’m going to the salon to get an eyebrow wax.
      Him: Good! Get that beard and mustache waxed while you’re at it!
      Her: She won’t say anything. She will go to the nearest Walgreens, CVS or Rite-Aid on her way home, buy a home waxing kit and later that night, when you are in a deep, comfortable sleep, she will crouch down between your legs and she will give your family jewels a job...a hot wax job that is!

11. Him: It’s been more than a week since we had sex!
      Her: Yeah but it’s been less than 24 hours since I told you to go screw yourself! How time flies!

12. Him: I don’t even know who you are these days!
      Her: I am the woman whose LAST nerve you manage to work, every time you open your mouth!

13. Him: This menopause stuff is all in your head!
      Her: Wow, that’s incredible sweetie....You can see what’s going on in my head but I don’t see anything going on in yours! 

14. Him: Why are you so tired all the time? Maybe you should take some vitamins.
      Her: Why are you so “dysfunctional”? Maybe you should take the Little Blue Pill!

15. Him: Aren’t you too young to be going through menopause?
      Her: Aren’t you too old to be so STUPID?

16. Him: How long am I going to have to put up with you and this menopause thing?
      Her: Not long...I cleaned my gun and bought more bullets today!

17. Him: Why are you being such a B@#$%?
      Her: I don’t know...Probably for the same reasons you are!

18. Him: I’m going out to find me a young woman, who doesn’t have all of these issues!
      Her: Okay baby...good idea! Oh by the way, be sure to give me a courtesy call on your way home...I might have some young stud muffin company coming through! One that can make me feel like a woman again!

19. Her: Oh Lawd, I’m flashing again!
      Him: You always get hot flashes...that’s nothing new!
      Her: You always sound like an idiot...that’s nothing new either!

20. Him: You need to calm down!
      Her: And you need to kiss my A$$!

21. Him: Are we EVER going to have sex again?
      Her: Not if you keep talking!

 22. Him: Why are you always in such a bad mood?
       Her: Because you are ALWAYS here!

 23. Him: Did you gain weight?
       Her: Let’s make a deal. You don’t talk about my extra weight and I won’t talk about your lack of! (Note: She says this while looking down at your crotch and rolling her eyes).

 24. Him: Why are you crying AGAIN?
       Her: Why are you TALKING AGAIN?

 25. Him: Menopause is not the end of the world! Get over it already!
       Her: No it’s not. But if you keep it up...this could be the end of yours!  Now get over that!

Fellas, I think you get the point. I hope I made both the men and women reading this laugh with the above scenarios but it’s really no laughing matter.

This is a time of great turmoil for your woman. Some of the changes that she encounters are going to be extremely uncomfortable, confusing, frustrating and downright scary at times…for both of you. The only other time she has probably felt more like an alien is when/if she was pregnant. You don’t have to understand it all. You don’t have to have all the answers. Instead try doing your own research and then show her some compassion. Ignoring her, being insensitive, dismissing her feelings (whether real or imagined in your eyes) or becoming over bearing will only exacerbate the situation.
It's important for her to have a partner with whom she can openly communicate. So put yourself in her shoes for a minute and think about how you would feel if your every thought or emotion were dismissed as if it meant nothing.

During the times when you think she is behaving irrationally, remember that she's not crazy and just be quiet! My momma always said, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all.” That rule still applies…especially in times like these!

Reassure her as often as you can that you love her, show her that she can count on you and let her know that you understand this may be a trying time for her but you want to do whatever you can to help her through the transition.

Simply…try a little tenderness!

LeBron "King" James - Kiss my crown and my ass!

Okay folks, let’s cut to the chase!

Since July 8th, 2010 when LeBron James announced he was leaving the Cleveland Cavaliers and going to the Miami Heat…he has been catching heat instead. Can somebody please explain to me what the big deal is and why ANYONE…fan, friend or family member feels they have a right to encroach on the dreams, goals and aspirations of another???

Back in July, headlines related to LeBron’s decision read…

• Dan Gilbert's open letter to fans: James' decision a 'cowardly betrayal' and owner promises a title before Heat
• In the end, LeBron James inflicts needless pain on the region that raised and loved him
• By rejecting his hometown team, LeBron James earns his slot on the Modell list of shame
• Cleveland-Akron fans saddened, sickened and angry at LeBron James' decision to leave Cavaliers
• Mo Williams reacts on Twitter, says LeBron should've spared Cleveland

Then the realness of the situation set in and the headlines quickly changed direction, going from fan feelings of rejection and disappointment to…

• Cleveland Braces For Impact Of LeBron Exit
• LeBron’s Economic Impact on Cleveland
• How much is LeBron James worth to Northeast Ohio?
• LeBron's decision will have major economic effects
• LeBron's Impact on Cleveland's Economy

From what I can tell a lot of the issues fans and Cleveland Cavs owner Dan Gilbert had with Lebron’s decision, supposedly had to do with the WAY he made the announcement. He wasn’t answering phone calls or text messages from Gilbert prior to the announcement. He played to the media. He didn’t say “thank you” to the city of Cleveland and the entire Northeast Ohio region…blah, blah, blah. Folks I don’t think it would have mattered how he did it, when he did it or whether he would have literally kissed the asses of every fan in Cleveland before he left…NOTHING short of him staying in Cleveland was going to make Cav fans, coaches or owners happy. And do you know why….cause you can’t please everybody. You can’t be everything to everybody all of the time. It is a futile, spiritually and emotionally draining exercise to practice.

Yes, LeBron coulda, shoulda handled the whole thing differently but who are you to say? Who is ANYBODY to judge ANYBODY else?

I personally think he comes off as an arrogant jackass sometimes… especially when he refers to himself in the 3rd person.

"I didn't want to make an emotional decision. I wanted to do what was best for LeBron James and what would make him happy," James said. "This is a business and I had seven great years in Cleveland. I hope the fans understand; maybe they won't."

What is that all about? “I wanted to do what was best for LEBRON JAMES and what would make HIM happy”….uuuhhhh and who are you? Nigga please! Dismiss me with that extra ish! Not even Jesus referred to himself in 3rd person.  Get over yourself!  I’m just sayin!

Anyway, my personal feelings aside, I just can’t understand why his former fans and people who claimed to love him sooooo much, turned their backs, spit on , kicked and burned that mans jersey in effigy…all because he made a decision for HIS life, which he had every right to do. You didn’t have to like it. But with all due respect, whether his leaving Cleveland turns out to be a good decision or a bad one , for him personally or for the city and fans economically, the decision was HIS to make!

I’m not going to go as far as the “good” Reverend Jesse Jackson when he stated that Dan Gilberts “feelings of betrayal personify a slave master mentality. (Gilbert) sees LeBron as a runaway slave.” Com’on now Jesse…really? However, I do agree that many of the Cleveland fans and Gilbert acted horribly in response to this situation. They projected THEIR own visions, hopes and dreams of LeBron, above his right as a human being to choose freely, his own destiny.

Cleveland Cav fans, here’s a piece of unsolicited advice…get a freakn life already! LeBron gave you 7 great years. Be thankful for that and move on. Yal put that man on a pedestal and he made promises that he could not or choose not to keep. You created the monster “King James” majesty and then you got mad because he didn’t do what YOU wanted or expected him to do? Oh please! While yal were standing around asking, “Who the hell does LeBron think he is?”…you should have been asking yourselves the same damn question. That man doesn’t OWE you anything and it was YOUR EXPECTATION that he did somehow owe you something that has you acting like complete idiots!

While the Miami Heat have a less than stellar record this season, last night LeBron and his boys went to Cleveland and he basically told all his haters, in not so many words, “Kiss my entire black azz!” LeBron scored a game-high 30 points in addition to picking up six rebounds and five assists in the 118-90 win over the Cavs.

LeBron might have 99 problems but last night the Cavs and their hateful fans ain’t one!

The Choice is Yours...Creativity or Blaxploitation?

Is it just me or is anyone else even slightly offended by some of the covertly racist or at the very least, stereotypical commercials on TV lately? 

Example 1:  The Progressive Insurance commercial with the black couple and the dancing money. 

See video clip:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DcmdW4H_WSQ&feature=player_embedded

I don’t want to make a bigger deal of this than it is folks but com’on…Really? 

Can somebody please explain to me why “Flo” the Progressive Sales Rep has to show the black people who are looking to save some money, the dancing money with funky music playing in the background?  Only to have the black man state that “Yeah, that will certainly stick with me!”  Why because you’re a black man and you can remember anything that involves music and dancing?  Maybe they should have given the dancing money some chicken and watermelon to munch on while he was dancing!

And what about the State Farm commercial with the 3 black guys having a discussion about “dap”?

Example 2:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kw_zlMwjDaE

In this commercial, the State Farm spokesman overhears a conversation between three friends. They say hello and two of them give each other a special "dap", leaving out the 3^rd friend.  He wants to know “What is that…How come my dap wasn’t like that?”  The two friends explain that it’s an “us” thing.” 

Just FYI…a dap is a greeting used at times to signal familiar closeness.  It’s a handshake, but it usually includes a series of hand/body gestures, with the gestures being performed in a specific and choreographed order. 

I’m guessing that the 3^rd guy stands there looking confused and feeling left out because he doesn’t know the “State Farm” dap shared by his two friends. Really?  Is it that serious?

And who can forget all of the McDonald’s commercial that show black people dancing, singing and even rapping?  Unfortunately I can’t!

Example 3:  McNuggets Love

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBq7Ver15IA&feature=BF&list=PLAED94E7179F25450&index=10

Example 4:  Dollar Menu Van

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eDD5gftRs8g&feature=related

Example 5:  McCafe Shuffle with Cupid

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B0lm6DzM1_A&feature=related

Example 6:  McCafe Cool vs. Hot with Dwele

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CfPsu5rZR-0&feature=related

Finally, take a look at this one.

Example 7: 2010 Kia Soul Hamster Commercial | Black Sheep Kia Hamsters Video  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfJnqbudMzs

Sooooo is Kia comparing those who live in urban settings to hamsters (members of the rat family)?  When is the last time you saw a hamster sporting a fat gold chain, baggy jeans and a hoody?  Is this creativity or Blaxploitation, reminiscent of the 60’s film genre?  WTF? 

Look, I’m not mad at anybody getting a pay check but dayum… are singing and dancing, dapping and rapping the only talents we have? Is that the only way advertisers feel they can get our attention?

Some of you probably think I am preoccupied with or hyper-sensitive to race, based on my blog content.  You could be right.  I’ve had to ask myself the same question at times.  But it’s hard to NOT be “pre-occupied” with it when it’s so in your face…every freak’n day!  Could it be that some of the issues I write about have been down played in other media because it makes people uncomfortable to broach the subject of race?  Could it be that it’s the “elephant in the room” that I refuse to ignore even if everybody else in the room does?

No matter what your opinion of me is, know that I simply want to ask the questions and spark a meaningful dialogue.  If I seem preoccupied it’s because some days (most days) I see or hear disturbing images and portrayals of people like me and I just can’t take it anymore.  I may not be able to change anyone’s opinions but I can bring awareness.  This blog is MY way of relaxing, relating and releasing. 

I want to bring attention to and discuss things that hit a certain nerve or that in my opinion, things that scream racism, injustice, misogyny, double standards, etc., instead of simply dismissing them as if they don’t exist.  I want to educate myself and others when possible.  And I would like to give people, companies, organizations the benefit of the doubt and hope that the color of my skin is as inconsequential for them as it is for me.  But I admit, there are times that I cannot and will not deny what I see in the mirror. Not only is my skin dark and lovely, but the history of oppression that can accompany my brown/black skin can be difficult to ignore at times.  

“Ads subtly perpetuate and reinforce societal beliefs and expectations concerning gender and race through both their images and texts (McLaughlin & Goulet, 1999). And the texts and images presented in the media directly reflect the values and interests of the advertisers, who are usually White men (Colfax & Sternberg, 1972). As a result, people who are not White or male tend to be portrayed in a stereotypical and unfavorable light. Unfortunately, these images and texts become a part of the culture of a society and become the basis on which new images and words are created (Baker, 2005). In this way, the dominant ideology of White supremacy maintains and legitimates the power of White males over females and other races in our society (Bristor, Lee, & Hunt, 1995). These texts and images are often internalized by members of society and thus have a large influence on people’s views and attitudes concerning people of a particular gender or race, as well as on people’s views and attitudes concerning themselves as members of a particular gender and race (Baker, 2005; McLaughlin & Goulet, 1999).

Ads perpetuate and reinforce traditional gender roles and gender inequality by portraying how ideal men and women act and present themselves (Baker, 2005). In our society, ideal men are dominant, strong, successful, and sexually appealing. Ideal women are physically beautiful, submissive, and sexual objects (Baker, 2005).”

And if you don’t know, now you know!  You can get with this or you can get with that..the choice is yours!

Footnotes:

Baker, C. N. (2005). Images of women’s sexuality in advertisements: A content analysis of Black- and White-oriented women’s and men’s magazines. Sex Roles, 52, 13-27.

Bristor, J., Lee, R., & Hunt, M. (1995). Race and ideology: African American images in television advertising. Journal of Public Policy & Marketing, 14, 48-59.

Colfax, J. D., & Sternberg, S. F. (1972). The perpetuation of racial stereotypes: Blacks in mass circulation magazine advertisements. The Public Opinion Quarterly, 36, 8-18.

McLaughlin, T., & Goulet, N. (1999). Gender advertisements in magazines aimed at African Americans: A comparison to their occurrence in magazines aimed at Caucasians. Sex Roles,40, 61-71.