Yesterday I chose to join in some sociable FB banter with a friend. Admittedly, the conversation was of a sexual context but it was far from lewd or graphic or vulgar. I knew a couple comments in, that someone might feel some kind of way about the conversation but I wasn’t expecting this! Shortly after my last post, someone (who shall remain nameless...only because they inboxed me using a fictitious FB name and then deleted the account) decided I needed to be chastised and reminded of who I am (who THEY thought I was). Wow really?! Who does that?! This person obviously doesn’t know me at all. I didn’t respond right away because I needed time to digest the reprimand. I’m wise enough to know that how people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours. This person should consider themselves lucky that I am in a really good place spiritually right now cause otherwise, what you're about to read could go in a whole different direction.
My Response:
- I AM not a role model!!! Piece of advice: Raise your own kids in line with your own values/morals. Don’t leave it up what they will hear from other kids, teachers, social media, me, etc. If you don’t want your children to be subjected to what you consider to be “inappropriate” dialogue/banter, it’s YOUR job to keep them off of FB and every other social networking site or media outlet in the world! Good luck with that.
- While you are working that out…DON’T try to censure my or anyone else comments. Instead, try using what they may see or hear as discussion points and talk to your kids openly and honestly.
- Opinions are like…you know what! Everybody has one! I can’t force and don’t try to compel anyone to believe or act the way I do. What I say/do ain’t for everybody! This is an art and not everybody was meant to be a master of this craft. But I’M not everybody. I’M ME! Love me or hate me! But don’t judge me. You don’t know where I’ve been, what I’ve done or how I got here! Don’t try to change me to fit your own idea of what or who you think I should be!
- It is not my problem if you aren’t comfortable with your own sexuality (yeah I said it!)! That’s your issue, not mine, so don’t project your insecurities on me. The opinion you have of me is your problem, not mine. I feel good about who I am as a woman, mother, daughter, sister, friend and even as a lover? There’s no shame in my game. So how I feel about myself and how I choose to express that physically, verbally, professionally, creatively, sexually, sensually (which is NOT necessarily the same as sex just fyi) or otherwise is my business, as long as I do no harm to myself or others. If you chose to live by societies traditional belief system/code of conduct about what is acceptable “lady like behavior”, so be it. But again “I’M ME”…you can’t do me so just do you! If I make you feel uncomfortable try asking yourself…”What is it about this person that makes me feel how I feel?” More importantly ask, “What is it about me that makes me feel the need to find fault in or pass judgment on another?” Don’t be so quick to judge what you don’t understand. That comes from a place of fear! Face it! Look within yourself!
SIDE BAR: In my opinion, one of the main reasons women, especially black women (and some men) have so many issues/hang ups about their own sexuality is because their parents have tried to repress what is natural by telling their children that saying certain words/behaviors are inappropriate. Those types of parents resort to harsh reprimands, spanking and sometimes eventually disowning their own flesh and blood, when their children go against their "high" moral code. While I agree that guidance and sometimes discipline is necessary in raising our children because certain words/behavior/self expression may be “inappropriate” in certain situations, I also think it’s important that kids are allowed to express their authentic self without judgment…especially from their parents.
“As children, we are taught that certain things are taboo like touching themselves "there" and thinking nasty thoughts. Some parents even still tell their children that if they masturbate, they will go blind. So after years of being brainwashed into thinking that certain things are a no-no and a sin, why shouldn't people have sexual hang-ups? After all, most people respect and listen to their parents point-of-views before anyone else's. That is why it is so important that parents do talk about sex, drugs and all other vital issues with their kids instead of letting someone else do it. However, I feel they should do it the correct way and be honest about it. The sexual urges are going to come about, whether they like it or not, so they should tell their kids the truth and that's that.” Zane
Now back to the subject at hand. I didn’t use any “inappropriate” language in my FB comments. Out of RESPECT for the impressionable eyes of others who could possibly read the posts and those who are easily offended, I considered the audience and chose my words as carefully as I could. It was more jokes and innuendo than anything. But bay-bay I'm not gonna stop being me for you or anybody else.
FB is an open, public forum! Period!! I was simply addressing a question that our mutual friend posted. I exercised decorum and tact, so get over yourself! We all make judgment calls every day, but we should be careful not to pass judgment on others!
I too have seen what I consider to be less than appropriate language/banter/photos on the FB pages of many….including my own sons, my God children, younger cousins and some adults I know. With my own children, it’s MY JOB to have the 2-way conversation, tell them how it made me feel, ask them what they were feeling at the time and then together we decided on the next course of action or ways to more positively express their feelings the next time. I don’t ever want their “original self to be muffled, overwhelmed or strangled by the voices of other people’s expectations”…not even by mine. It’s my job to give them guidance, teach them tolerance and acceptance, to answer their questions with love, understanding, honesty and then to give them the best advice I can and let them be who they are, whether I agree with it or not. I’m not going to allow them to do anything (within my control) that I feel is complete nonsense or anything that may do irreparable harm to their future endeavors, but I can get my point across just the same. Not by trying to force them to change who they inherently are! Not by judging them or pushing my dreams, hopes and wants for them! Not by shutting down their FB pages, banning them from the Internet or reprimanding them! With others, I chose to let their parents deal with it (or close their eyes to it if they feel so inclined) and I let adults express themselves as they see fit.
Now back to the subject at hand. I didn’t use any “inappropriate” language in my FB comments. Out of RESPECT for the impressionable eyes of others who could possibly read the posts and those who are easily offended, I considered the audience and chose my words as carefully as I could. It was more jokes and innuendo than anything. But bay-bay I'm not gonna stop being me for you or anybody else.
FB is an open, public forum! Period!! I was simply addressing a question that our mutual friend posted. I exercised decorum and tact, so get over yourself! We all make judgment calls every day, but we should be careful not to pass judgment on others!
I too have seen what I consider to be less than appropriate language/banter/photos on the FB pages of many….including my own sons, my God children, younger cousins and some adults I know. With my own children, it’s MY JOB to have the 2-way conversation, tell them how it made me feel, ask them what they were feeling at the time and then together we decided on the next course of action or ways to more positively express their feelings the next time. I don’t ever want their “original self to be muffled, overwhelmed or strangled by the voices of other people’s expectations”…not even by mine. It’s my job to give them guidance, teach them tolerance and acceptance, to answer their questions with love, understanding, honesty and then to give them the best advice I can and let them be who they are, whether I agree with it or not. I’m not going to allow them to do anything (within my control) that I feel is complete nonsense or anything that may do irreparable harm to their future endeavors, but I can get my point across just the same. Not by trying to force them to change who they inherently are! Not by judging them or pushing my dreams, hopes and wants for them! Not by shutting down their FB pages, banning them from the Internet or reprimanding them! With others, I chose to let their parents deal with it (or close their eyes to it if they feel so inclined) and I let adults express themselves as they see fit.
It’s MY BELIEF that everyone has the right to self-expression as long as they aren’t breaking any laws or more so hurting anyone else in the process. Even hate mongers. I may not like it or agree with it. But it’s important that everyone be allowed a safe place to express themselves. Most people don’t reveal their true selves all the time (including me at times), they wear a mask that they feel is most acceptable to the outside world. Understandable but sad. You have the right to agree or disagree with anyone. You have the right to participate in a dialogue with them or simply ignore them. But please stop with the judgmental, hypocritical, self-righteous bull**** or at least don’t direct your tirade in my direction. If you want to have an adult conversation, then let’s have it. Don’t be a freakin’ coward! Don’t hide behind your religious dogma and inbox me under a fabricated name and give me your take on how YOU think I should behave! Pa-leezze! Who do you think you are? I respect your opinion but that doesn’t mean I have to agree or abide by your standards of “appropriate conduct”. Especially in a public forum!
At the end of the day…no matter what you think of me...I’m still gonna be STILETTO DAGGER! An amazing, intelligent, zany, loving, spiritual, creative, moody, sensual, talented, rebellious, eccentric, sexy, multi-faceted, sometimes aloof but still a magnificent child of God. I AM A GROWN AZZ WOMAN making GROWN AZZ decisions EVERYDAY! But one thing I’m not…is one of your kids!!!! So play your position cause it’s a huge mistake trying to play mine!
Food for Thought:
At the end of the day…no matter what you think of me...I’m still gonna be STILETTO DAGGER! An amazing, intelligent, zany, loving, spiritual, creative, moody, sensual, talented, rebellious, eccentric, sexy, multi-faceted, sometimes aloof but still a magnificent child of God. I AM A GROWN AZZ WOMAN making GROWN AZZ decisions EVERYDAY! But one thing I’m not…is one of your kids!!!! So play your position cause it’s a huge mistake trying to play mine!
Food for Thought:
“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.” – Paulo Coelho
“Judgments prevent us from seeing the good that lies beyond appearances.” – Wayne Dyer
“You can't depend on your judgment when your imagination is out of focus” – Mark Twain
“Judgments prevent us from seeing the good that lies beyond appearances.” – Wayne Dyer
“You can't depend on your judgment when your imagination is out of focus” – Mark Twain
